How Can I Help My 6-Year-Old Daughter Deal with Her Intense Fears and the Outbursts They Trigger?

“My 6-year-old has recently started having huge fears of riding in the car once it gets dark. Leading up to this fear were other fears. What can I do to help her navigate them?”

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October 19, 2021

This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. It deals with subjects related to fear and anxiety. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent wondering about their daughter’s fears and worries. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“My 6-year-old has recently started having huge fears of riding in the car once it gets dark. Leading up to this fear were other fears. She cannot go to the bathroom alone, in another room alone, or sleep in her own bed. The fits are so bad that she will throw herself on the ground screaming and kicking. When you try to talk to her, she rubs her ears violently and will not listen to anything. I calmly try to ask her what is triggering her fears, but she continues to scream and yell.

Her dad and I got divorced but we have been working on our relationship. She has always wanted us together. I don’t think that’s the issue, but I have no idea what else these fears could be coming from.

She started being scared of things around the age of 5 and it’s gotten worse since. I have no idea what to do at this point. How can I help her with these fears?”

- W., Texas

Anxiety and fears are very common problems starting in early childhood. It can be difficult to talk to children when they are experiencing intense fear (rational or not). And children are also notoriously challenged to answer direct questions about why they are feeling a certain way.

I suggest reading a book with your daughter on the topic of childhood fears. There are several excellent choices and I recommend you pick one or more from this compilation.

You should read these books together in a cozy setting when your child is calm. She will either start chatting about some of her own fears, or you can ask her direct questions. For example, if you select the Franklin book you could ask, “Wow, I’m wondering what Franklin thought was in the dark?” This will likely inspire her to talk about herself.

If her “fits” are happening multiple times a day and worsening even after you follow my recommendation, please talk about this with your primary care provider and remember that Little Otter is here to help you with resources, support, or clinical care, as needed.