A Therapist’s Guide to Healthy Conversations About Their Bodies and Sex

Talking to your child about sex and their body can feel daunting, especially if it wasn’t something openly discussed when you were growing up. Still, it’s up to parents and caregivers to open the door to these conversations. Healthy, age- and developmentally-appropriate conversations about sex and bodies should start early, and probably earlier than you think.

As a therapist, I work with so many parents who are uncertain and even avoidant about bringing up these topics with their kids. If that’s you, you’re not alone. 

This guide will help you move past fear and discomfort to build open, shame-free communication with your child, because how we talk to kids about sex directly shapes their safety, confidence, and self-worth.

Why Healthy Conversations About Bodies and Sex Start Early

Many parents wait until their child asks a “big” question or begins puberty before talking about sex or even the stages of puberty that their body will likely go through. Unfortunately, by then kids have often already picked up information from other places.

Starting these conversations early builds:

• Familial trust. The American Academy of Pediatrics found that early communication about bodies, relationships, and consent helps children develop trust in their caregivers and a sense that their questions will be met with honesty and openness.
• A sense of safety and body autonomy. Research from the Guttmacher Institute shows that when kids feel they can talk to their parents about sex, they are more likely to delay sexual activity, use contraception, and avoid risky behavior. 
• A foundation for healthy relationships. Early consent education leads to safer behaviors later on including stronger self-advocacy and boundary-setting in adolescence. 

Not talking about sex doesn’t protect children from having questions about it, it leaves them to fill in the blanks on their own. Talking openly helps them to make safe choices and strengthens your relationship.

Ages 3–7: Building the Foundation for Body Autonomy and Safety

At this age, kids are curious about their bodies, others' bodies, and the rules about them. Early conversations help them build a sense of ownership over their body, which is foundational for their safety and self-respect as they grow-up.

What young kids need to know:

• The correct anatomical name for all private parts 
• That private parts are private
• It’s okay to say “no” to unwanted touch, even from adults 
• Secrets are not okay

How to bring it up: 

• Use bath time, getting dressed, or doctor visits to name body parts and talk about privacy rules
• Choose books that explain bodies and boundaries (listed at the end of this article)

Ages 8–12: Answering Questions Honestly and Building Confidence

Tween years are a time of rapid change: physically, emotionally, and socially. They're asking bigger questions, often triggered by what they hear from friends or see portrayed in the media. 

What tweens are curious about:

• Puberty, periods, and erections
• How babies are made and where they come from
• Friendships, crushes, and early identity exploration
• What they’ve seen or heard from others or through media 

How to have the conversation:

• Ask what they already know, and correct any misinformation
• Let them know it’s always okay to come to you with questions
• Be honest, calm, and use anatomically correct terminology

Therapist Tip: If you act embarrassed, they’ll pick up on it. Stay curious and supportive, even when you don’t have all the answers.

Ages 13–18: Deepening the Conversation With Empathy and Respect

Teens are all about building their independence and creating a space to grow and feel heard. They rely most heavily on their peer relationships for feedback and exploration of all things, including questions about sex, relationships, and their identity.

What teens need to talk about:

• Consent, safe sex, and healthy boundaries
• Navigating relationships, peer pressure, and all electronic and online sexual behaviors like porn, sexting, and social media 
• Sexual orientation, gender identity, and self-acceptance
• Pregnancy prevention, STIs, and how to protect themselves and others

How to stay connected:

• Ask open-ended questions: “How are people talking about relationships at school?” or “What are your friends' relationships like?” 
• Don’t just talk, listen and repeat back what you hear
• Keep checking in, even when they act like they don’t want to talk

Therapist Tip: Even if they act uninterested or roll their eyes, your effort matters to them. Being a consistent and nonjudgmental parent usually results in more open and honest communication.

Download our Age-by-Age Conversation Starters About Bodies, Sex, and Relationships below! 

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Resources to Support Parents When Talking About Sex, Bodies, and Consent with Kids

There’s no need to start from scratch. Here are some trusted, therapist-approved resources to help guide your conversations:

Ages 3-7

It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends helps answer these endless and perfectly normal questions.

My Body! What I Say Goes! is a children's picture book used to empower and teach children about personal body safety, feelings, safe and unsafe touch, private parts, secrets and surprises, consent and respect.

Consent For Kids is a smart, playful video explanation to consent and bodily autonomy.

Ages 8-12

It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families answers the big questions: How does a baby begin and how is it born? How did I begin? Why are some parts of kids’ bodies different from some parts of other kids’ bodies? Most younger kids have questions about reproduction, babies, love, sex, and gender, too.

You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things is a bold and inclusive graphic novel that redefines sex ed for today’s world, covering everything from puberty and pleasure to power, identity, and how to treat others with respect.

Ages 13-18

It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, Gender, and Sexual Health has inclusive guide to sex, puberty, and relationships that gives kids and teens the accurate, age-appropriate information they need to understand their bodies, identities, and how to stay safe, both offline and online.

Tea Consent is a clever, memorable video that uses the metaphor of offering someone a cup of tea to explain consent.

These tools can help take the pressure off and help you lead with confidence, even when the questions feel big.

It’s okay to fumble. It’s okay to say, “I need to think about how to answer that,” or “Let’s learn about it together.” Kids don’t need you to have all the answers. What they need is a caring adult who shows up, stays open, and keeps the conversation going. Because when we meet their curiosity with empathy, not shame, we’re giving them more than just answers. We’re giving them the foundation to grow into informed, confident, and safe adults.

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