How Can I Help My Kids Cope with My Recent Divorce?

This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with issues related to divorce and stress. Please take care when reading.

Divorce and parental separation impacts children in different ways. Our child mental health professionals provide some support and guidance to help parents and children through this  challenging time:

“I’m worried about how my kids feel about my divorce, their father, or one of us not being present in their lives. What can I do?”

- S., California

Thank you for the question. Divorce and separation are generally very challenging for children. They tend to be disruptive to their daily routines, especially in the beginning.

Depending on visitation schedules and the relationship between you and their father, your children might also sense tension and stress.  Sometimes just acknowledging that things look different, and having open conversations as a family can be healthy and healing.

When they are sad or upset that they are unable to see one parent, or that mom and dad are not living together any more, it is important to provide children with the safety and space to talk about their feelings.

If your children start to display more significant emotional challenges (e.g., worry, withdrawal, anger, aggressive behavior), you may want to consider parent coaching, or speaking with a child therapist to see if more support is necessary to help them through this difficult time. Also, depending on the age of your children, if they are very young, it will be especially important to maintain as much stability and routine as possible. Predictability will increase their sense of safety and security, given the recent change.

Finally, if your children are elementary school aged, I recommend the book “Emily’s Blue Period.” This book offers a nice starting point for entering into conversation with children around divorce.

Additional Resources

• “Emily’s Blue Period,” by Cathleen Daly

• Join Little Otter