What is a Highly Sensitive Child?

SensitivityChildren's Mental Health Matters
Written By Kinsey S. Wolf

Lately, we’ve been getting a lot of questions from parents and caregivers about the idea of Highly Sensitive Children, or HSC. So what is a highly sensitive child? In this short-and-sweet blog, we’re helping you understand what defines a Highly Sensitive Child, and provide pointers for parents of HSCs.

So what is a Highly Sensitive Child?

As the name suggests, Highly Sensitive Children tend to be very sensitive to their environment, experiences, and expectations. That doesn’t mean that they’re constantly crying; rather, their nervous systems are hard-wired to process and react to their world more deeply than other children.

Some studies estimate that about 15-20% of children are highly sensitive. Highly Sensitive Children may be described as:

  • Intense. They may seem to be either ecstatic or enraged, with no middle register.

  • “Hot house flowers” or “orchids.” HSC are affected by and reactive to even minor changes in their environment. 

  • Demanding. HSC tend to have specific ideas of what they want, like, or can tolerate.

This intensity can result in Highly Sensitive Children to be misunderstood or perceived as difficult. Even the people who love a Highly Sensitive Child most - parents and caregivers - often struggle to understand them.

High sensitivity is really a matter of temperament. Temperament is something we’re born with. Temperament describes how people approach the world; it’s really the why of their behavior. As a parent, you can’t create your child’s temperament, and your child can’t choose it. This is helpful to keep in mind when dealing with a Highly Sensitive Child.

High sensitivity isn’t necessarily a sensory dysfunction. It’s more of an indication of a person’s tolerance for disturbances or distress - and an HSC is likely to define disturbance differently than others.

Strengths of Highly Sensitive Children

It’s true that HSCs can be challenging - but they’re amazing kids. Their sensitivity allows them to be bold, fierce, creative, determined, passionate, insightful, and empathetic. Others may describe them as intuitive or self-aware.

While it’s true that some HSCs are perceived as “difficult,” others may seem to be extremely calm and self-contained. Every HSC is unique, and will have unique superpowers.

How Do You Know if Your Child is Highly Sensitive?

There are a lot of recognizable habits of Highly Sensitive Children. If you start to notice many of the following traits, you may have a HSC:

  • Experience emotional extremes. They may seem to have especially big feelings, and may be prone to meltdowns.

  • Prefers things to be calm and quiet. Some HSCs may be easily overwhelmed by big noises, startle easily, or become aggravated when the environment is too "busy.”

  • Tend to be extremely empathetic. The emotional distress of others can cause your child to become upset.

  • Notices small changes. They may perceive subtle shifts in their physical surroundings or others’ appearance more quickly and with more accuracy than others.

  • Are physically sensitive. Does your child seem bothered by certain textures, tastes, or sounds? Some HSC may dislike tags on clothing, hate wet hands, or find that certain noises really bug them.

  • Seem precocious. An HSC is perceptive and processes things deeply. They may ask big questions, or seem to pick on adult challenges. They may be aware of safety in a different way than other children.

  • May be difficult to discipline. Your highly sensitive kid may seem to take discipline hard; they may perceive criticism and stern tones to be “bigger” than you intended. They may seem to receive gentle correction better.

  • New people and experiences can be challenging. An HSC may find it extremely difficult to enter new experiences, due to a combination of new sensory inputs, changing expectations, and unfamiliar dynamics

  • Have perfectionist tendencies. Highly Sensitive Children tend to have very specific expectations, and may hold themselves to a very high standard.

  • Perform better when strangers aren’t present. Highly sensitive kids are very responsive to the perceptions and expectations of others. This may show up like stage fright, aversion to judgment, or a desire for private work or practice.

  • Act controlling or be inflexible. An HSC may feel easily overwhelmed by the world around them, and in order to manage their big feelings, try to exert control.

This is just a short sample of traits you may notice in a Highly Sensitive Child. Again, every child is different. There is a simplified test for Highly Sensitive Children, created by Dr. Elaine Aaron and based on her research. This may be a helpful resource.

If you think you may have a Highly Sensitive Child, support can be extremely helpful. More on that next.

Getting Additional Support for Your Highly Sensitive Child

Highly Sensitive Children also prone to having more challenges in adapting to life’s expectations and limits, and may experience anxiety and/or depression. If you think you may have a Highly Sensitive Child, it may make sense to seek out a consultation from a child mental health professional.

A little additional support can provide a world of relief by helping set expectations, sharing new ways to communicate and respond to HSCs, and limiting power struggles.

Little Otter is here to help families with Highly Sensitive Children.

We offer therapy, as well as parent coaching, to empower you to be the best parent you can be - and help you provide your child the life skills they’ll need to thrive.

Kinsey S. Wolf

 

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