Did Your Kid Do “Nothing” At School Today?

If you have school-aged children, here’s a conversation that you might recognize:

You: “Hey honey, how was school today? What did you do?”

Your Kiddo: “Nothing.”

Sound familiar? If so, you’re not the only one.

It’s not uncommon for parents to hear “Nothing” or “I was bored” or “No one played with me” when they ask “What did you do at school today?”

If you hear one of those common responses or something else that makes you worry, here’s some advice for navigating those after-school conversations from our team of child mental health experts.

In this blog, you’ll learn how to talk to your kids about school and have better after-school conversations.

Don’t forget that it’s important to engage with your child’s teachers, so you get a sense of how your child is doing - and do some reality testing.

Does your child say “Nothing” when you ask “What happened at school today?” Here’s what that means…

As parents, we have a desire to know everything that happens in our child’s life. And that's a control issue. We’re so used to these little humans; they’ve been with us almost all the time, particularly during this pandemic. (For moms, they potentially even lived inside us!)

Suddenly, they go to school and we don’t have that visibility. The teacher has lots of other children and families to manage, so they can’t always offer the level of detail we want as parents. Often, children can’t or don’t want to share every detail, either. This can cause parents to feel anxious, which may amplify that desire to want to know everything.

But the experience for your child might be completely different. Remember, every child has their own identity and temperament.

Your child may feel bombarded, and may react by withdrawing or pushing you away. It's okay for them to have that space, especially as they get older. 

Other children, particularly those who need some time with transitions, need to be able to reconnect with you in simple ways that don't have to do with answering questions or reviewing the day.

As a parent, it’s helpful to express interest, but don’t demand that you know all the things that are going on.

Does your child say “I was bored” or “no one played with me” when you ask “What happened at school today?” Here’s what that means…

If your child tells you, “I was bored” when you ask them about their school day, remember that this is often a proxy for other feelings. 

Are they using that word to defend against big feelings they don’t want to talk about? Are they having trouble paying attention in the classroom? Is it that they’re struggling to connect with other children? Or maybe, having a specific conflict with one child?

Remember, even things sound alarming may not necessarily be accurate, because they may be code for something else. That’s why it’s important to ask yourself if your child is describing what’s going on accurately when you hear things that are worrying.

To uncover the real meaning of these words, it’s important to validate their feelings and create space to talk about all of these different emotions. Asking follow-up questions and being non-judgmental when their share their emotions can help you uncover more context about the situation.

As parents, it’s helpful to be mindful of our own feelings about how we want our kids to interact with us. We might have our own big feelings, like being a little anxious about not being present while they’re at school. This may influence how we respond when we hear things like “I was bored.” (Here are three back to school mental health tips for parents.)

In these situations, it’s also helpful to develop a relationship with your child's teachers. That will allow you to check in about concerns and balance what you're hearing from your child with what the teacher is seeing and saying.

How to Encourage Better After-School Conversations

It is important to talk about school with your children to understand what’s going on in their world. So if you’re having trouble with those after school conversations, here are a few ideas to encourage communication:

In the calm before they’re even preparing for school, you might say, “Hey, you know what I want us to do when you get out of school? I want to know these three things about your day.” That lets them have things that they can think about in advance to prepare an answer, instead of asking them on the spot when they get out of school.

Be specific about what you're asking for them, instead of “How was your day?” Think about it: as adults, we don't even pay attention when somebody says, “How are you?” We say, “Fine,” and then we move on. Try to be realistic about the expectations you’re placing on kids.

You might ask questions like, “What's one thing that brought you joy? Who’s one friend you played with that you liked? What's one cool toy you saw in your classroom?”

It's also important to include a question like, “What’s one thing that was scary or uncomfortable?” That communicates that we want to hear about everything, not only things that made them laugh, that are silly, or that bring them joy.

Have additional questions? Want more resources? Want to learn more? Just email Little Otter and someone will get back to you to respond. 

From all of us at Little Otter, we wish you a healthy transition back to work and school.